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“A person with multiple sclerosis walks into a bar… and a table, and a chair, and a wall.” Dr. Patti Bevilacqua
Dr. Patti Bevilacqua’s humour arrives before anything else: sharp, self-aware, and disarming. That’s how she opened her TEDx talk. And that’s how she opens conversations that matter. Her story doesn’t begin with pity or solemn piano music. It begins with laughter, and then it gets real.
When she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis during her first year as a high school physical education teacher, her world shifted. A woman whose identity had always been deeply intertwined with movement, strength, and connection was suddenly faced with a new reality, one that demanded not just adaptation but complete reinvention.
Chronic illness introduces a unique kind of complexity and turns daily life into a constant act of negotiation. For Patti, this meant waking each morning not with certainty, but with a quiet conversation between mind and body. “I only have me,” she says. “I’m the one who understands what I’m feeling and how much I have to give on any particular day.” Some mornings allow for a walk with her dog along the flat, even trails near her home in Grand Forks, British Columbia. Other days call for stillness and recalibration. The pace, decisions, and even the expectations—everything must be constantly weighed against an unpredictable internal landscape.
Living this way requires self-awareness few people are prepared for. But over the years, Patti has cultivated it with intention. That self-knowledge—the ability to scan one’s energy levels, anticipate possible limitations, and adjust without guilt—has become not only survival but also empowerment.
What is perhaps more difficult, however, is the part of illness that often gets overlooked by the healthcare system: the psychological fallout. “Nobody ever talked to me about identity,” she explains. “That MS would affect how I saw myself. That never came up.” Instead, the focus remained squarely on physical symptoms and treatment options. But when movement is your career, your passion, your way of connecting to others, and it’s taken away, the result is far deeper than physical loss. It is disorientation and grief. It is, as Patti says, “a kind of internal collapse.”
Healthcare, with its emphasis on clinical treatment, tends to sidestep this collapse. A patient may leave a diagnosis appointment with prescriptions and pamphlets, but rarely with support for the internal upheaval that comes with no longer recognizing your own reflection. For Patti, that absence was glaring. “When I lost my job, I didn’t just lose employment. I lost who I was,” she says.
That fracture led her through a long psychological evolution, from the belief that her body was broken to the understanding that it simply required different strategies. It was not a straight path. There were missteps, disappointments, and long spells of doubt. But eventually, through trial, support, and introspection, she learned to adapt. “It’s not about chasing who you were,” she reflects. “It’s about becoming someone new. Someone real. Someone present.”
This process also demanded an uncomfortable but essential separation: identity from physical capability. It meant no longer equating worth with output or self with role. For a former athlete and educator, this was one of the most challenging shifts of all. But it was necessary. “I had to stop looking for the old me,” she says, “and start embracing who I was becoming.”
Central to this transformation was reframing her internal dialogue. Where once there had been criticism and comparison, she introduced permission and perspective. “Stop apologizing,” she urges. “Stop blaming yourself for what you can’t do. Ask for help. Let go of the idea that you have to do everything alone.” These small, practical decisions—changing how she planned her day, giving herself grace when she needed to rest, and learning to say no without guilt—have proven far more powerful than any single pill.
Now, as a mindset expert and speaker, Dr. Bevilacqua helps others navigate similar territory. When asked what belief she most often challenges in her work, she replies without hesitation, “That you are somehow less than. That your diagnosis makes you smaller, or weaker, or broken. That idea has to go.” Instead, she encourages people to view themselves not as diminished, but as evolving. Shifting, adapting, becoming.
She doesn’t offer quick fixes or motivational slogans. Instead, she speaks from experience. Practical tips from her own life include prioritizing energy management, staying physically active in ways that feel safe and consistent, and reframing “no” as a redirection, not a rejection. “No doesn’t mean the end,” she says. “It’s a detour to something unexpected that you might love even more.”
Her book, MS doesn’t define ME: The Biography of a Polymath, captures this philosophy in depth. Far from a conventional illness memoir, it reads as a living map of transformation. Each chapter closes with questions for reflection, inviting readers not just to observe her experience but to examine their own. It’s not a manual, and it’s certainly not prescriptive. It is, as she describes, “a record of what I’ve learned, what’s worked, what hasn’t, and how I got here.”
To read her story is to understand that identity is not a fixed point. It shifts, stretches, and, sometimes, stumbles. But it also rebuilds. Patti’s voice is honest, at times sharply funny, and always grounded in lived reality. She offers no illusions about the difficulty of chronic illness, but she refuses to let difficulty be the final word.
Her book is “for anyone facing something they didn’t choose,” she says. “A student unsure they’ll finish the semester. A parent overwhelmed. A person standing at the edge of change.”
Asked what she would say to someone newly diagnosed, she pauses. Then answers, “You’re going to feel lost. That’s okay. But please know this: your life isn’t over. It’s just temporarily under construction. And what comes next might surprise you.”
Today, Patti continues to speak, write, and walk. She supports others through her website and speaking engagements. And through it all, she continues to become.
“I was a good person before MS,” she says, “and I liked who I was. Now I’m a great person. And I love who I am because I live with MS.”
And that, more than anything, is her message. Not to fight reality. Not to deny the hard parts. But to quit chasing and start becoming.
Dr. Patti Bevilacqua’s key strategies for living well with MS
Drawn from her lived experience and shared in her talks, book and daily practice.
- Stop apologizing.“I used to apologize for everything. For needing to leave early. For asking for help. I don’t do that anymore. I might say I need to leave early, but I no longer say sorry for it.”
- Ask for help without shame.“I wore stubbornness like a badge. But if I fall on the trail and don’t ask for help, I’m stuck. Independence isn’t always strength.”
- Adjust your day with intention.“If I’ve got a doctor’s appointment in the afternoon, I’ll walk in the evening instead. It’s about making smart choices for that day’s reality.”
- Give yourself permission to rest.“Some days are a washout. That’s not failure. That’s part of the deal. I say to myself, ‘There’s always tomorrow.’”
- Embrace practical tools.She walks every day on flat ground. She wears glasses with a prism to manage double vision. She keeps her body moving in ways that feel safe and honours the signals it gives.
- Celebrate small victories.“I have invisible pom-poms,” she laughs. “If I manage something that felt hard the day before, I cheer for myself.”
- Stop chasing the old version of yourself.“Let her go. You’re becoming someone else. And that person is worth your attention.”
- Use setbacks as information, not judgment.“If I make bad choices and have to cancel something, I don’t beat myself up. I say, ‘Right. Let’s try tomorrow.’”
If you’re looking for a dynamic speaker who brings energy, real talk, and heart to conversations about resilience, hidden illnesses, mindset shifts, and turning “no” into new opportunities, contact Dr. Patti Bevilacqua at patti@fearlesswithms.com
Website: https://pattibevilacqua.com/